A s we celebrate Valentine’s
Day, the family, marriage
and intimate relationships
are in trouble. For many the relationship
between man and woman
is valued only in terms of “what’s
in it for me?”
When one person is not getting
all he or she wants, leaving is the
solution.
Marriage has declined by 33%
since 1970, while the divorce rate
has increased fourfold since 1960.
The number of married couples who
say their relationship is “very happy”
has declined from 67% in 1973
to 62% in 1996.
These figures would be understandable
if they included just the
unbelievers, but Christians are in
these statistics too. The church has
allowed the world to define the relationship
between a man and a
woman. The church has been silent
on the issue of sexuality, while the
world has been shouting from the
rooftop.
There is a word from the Lord on
the issue of sex, intimacy and relationships.
Marriage, relationships and sex
cannot be divorced from God. Sex
and intimacy are more than a physical
act. Paul says the sex act makes
the two one in a spiritual kind of
way. (I Co. 6:15-17)
This Valentine’s Day I challenge
you to see what you can give, not
what you can get. No one has ever
come to me and said, “My spouse,
my soul mate, is too nice to me.’’
Usually they come because they
think they are not getting all they
are due. What would happen if you
attempted to outdo your significant
other in giving of yourself?
There is hope for rekindling the
flame in your marriage if you’re
ready to give it the work and time it
deserves. These are some ideas that
Judy Bodner shares in her book,
When Love Dies: How to Save a
Hopeless Marriage.
- Leave notes and love letters
around. Send these special, concrete
communiqués with lunches, tape
them to the bathroom mirror, leave
them on the kitchen table, or mail
them to your spouse’s place of
employment. Tell your spouse what
you appreciate about him or her.
- Make getting to know your
spouse an important goal. One way
to accomplish this is by turning off
the television and putting together
puzzles, playing games, walking,
watching a sunset, reading to each
other, going out for breakfast,
watching a game or going shopping.
Plan getaways. You need to get away
with each other, so watch for specials
at bed-and-breakfasts or a nice
motel, or trade baby-sitting weekends
with like-minded friends if
money is a concern.
- Share your feelings with each
other. Often it’s easier to share facts
because they’re non-threatening,
and they don’t cause us to swallow
our pride. However, when we share
our feelings, we share our hearts
[and thus] we develop this intimacy
Pump up the physical passion.
Realize first that God wants us to
enjoy the sexual intimacy He created.
Thus, the bedroom should be
inviting and pleasant, a clean and
orderly place of beauty.
This Valentine’s Day I challenge
you to look for a way to say to your
spouse or significant other, will you
be my Valentine?
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