"For in him dwelleth all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are
complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power." (Col. 2:
9-10)
"No good thing will he withhold from those who walk
uprightly." (Ps. 84:11)
"And the Lord said, It is not good that the man should be
alone; I will make him an help meet for him." (Gen. 2:18)
STRENGTHENING THE FAMILY: SINGLENESS
(This is the fifth and final installment of a series of articles dealing with
strengthening the family. In the first article, "What Makes A Strong
Church?", March 2001, I dealt with the family in general. In the second,
"Strengthening The Family: The Children", July 2001, I suggested that
our children are the hope of the future. In the Third and Fourth,
"Strengthening The Family: Husband And Wife", August and September
2001, I concluded that the husband and wife team is pivotal to a strong family.)
There is a large and growing group (four out of every 10 adults) in the church
that often goes unnoticed. This group is the singles. It consists of those who
have never-been-married, those who are married and separated, those who were
married and divorced and those who were married but are widowed. I do not
believe the seemingly lack of concern by the church is malicious. Rather, it is
a result of the church being programmed to deal with the traditional family
(husband, wife and children) and having not completely adjusted to caring for
those who are single. Dan R. Crawford, in his book, Single Adult, states,
"The church must become a listening friend, where singles can tell their
story, share their moments of pain and exhilaration, and dream new dreams in the
presence of supportive concern." I want to use this article to encourage
and affirm the singles.
There are those who would suggest that singleness is something to
be "delivered from." Others believe, even some singles themselves,
that something is wrong with an adult person who is not married. Neither of
these views has any scriptural support.
I believe the Bible supports the notion that singleness is a gift from God.
(1 Cor. 7:7) Being unmarried is not a curse, and singleness is the first
blessing to man and woman. I also believe that it is possible to be single,
celibate and satisfied.
First, let us agree on a working definition of singleness and its
meaning. Myles Munroe, in his book, Single, Married, Separated, and Life After
Divorce, helps us when he states,"Any dictionary definition will have these
words, or synonyms for them: "to be separate, unique, and whole."
Would you like to stop being whole or a unique person? Would you like to lose
your identity? Of course not. So what is the problem with singleness? There is
no problem. There is with our definition, which has been given to us by a
cultural, socio-economic system under the rulership of Satan, the god of this
"world order." (2 Cor. 4:4) The world's definition, which the Church
has adopted, opens the door to hurt, rejection, and even self-hatred. Marriage
should not stop each individual in the relationship from being unique and whole.
One should not consider marriage until he or she is a separate, single, unique
and whole person.
In Genesis 2:18, did God say, "It is not good for man to be
[single?"] No, He said, "...It is not good that the man should
be alone...." God had no problem with the man's separateness, his
uniqueness, or his wholeness. As a matter of fact, Adam did not know that he was
alone. God's statement was predicated on His own observation of the situation,
on His own wisdom. The implication is that Adam was so totally unique and so
whole that he did not miss anybody. He was so "together," so separate,
and so complete in himself that he did not even know he needed anyone else.
Having a companion was not Adam's idea, but God's. There are some people who are
married and yet they are alone. While there are some people who are unmarried
and are not alone. All you need not to be alone are some close friends.
Hopefully, they will be Christians. So, there is nothing bad, negative or
unhealthy about singleness.
Secondly, you can be celibate in your singleness. Listen to Paul's
words, "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if
they abided even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is
better to marry than to burn." (1 Cor. 7:8-9) God never calls us to a task
without giving the enabling spirit to be victorious. We are not animals that
rely on instinct or other natural laws. We have the indwelling of the Holy
Spirit. Premarital sex is always wrong. God says, .....that you should abstain
from fornication (sex between two unmarried people). God is not oblivious to
your needs. He is fully aware that there are times when we would want to yield
to the flesh, but he sent His Spirit to give us the power to overcome.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says it very plainly, "No temptation has overtaken you
but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be
tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way
of escape also, that you may be able to endure." Paul also said, "God
will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ
Jesus." (Phil. 4:19). However, if by chance you have failed the test. Be
not dismayed, because of God's grace and mercy you can start all over again. The
song is true, "A saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up."
Jesus being with you where you begin with Him. You can claim His promise in 1
John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us
our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." We should talk with
God earnestly about all our needs.
Finally, singleness and satisfaction are not mutually exclusive. Paul and many
others have found satisfaction in their singleness. Paul states, "Not that
I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am,
therewith to be content." (Phil. 4:11) Contentment is an inside thing. We
become dissatisfied when we attempt to get things without seeking God's will.
Jesus said this, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his
righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matt. 6:33)
What are these things? Is having a special person placed in your life outside of
these things? Like Paul, we too, can be satisfied when we realize that marriage
is not for everyone. (1 Cor. 7:7). Second, there are many advantages of being
unmarried. (1 Cor. 7:32-35) Third, we can develop other healthy relationships to
fulfill our need for fellowship. Finally, it is easier to put one's life in
God's hands when you are unmarried. (Phil 1:20-21). Yes, you can rejoice in your
singleness.
I pray that the church will join me in celebrating singleness!
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