As we celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, the family, marriage and intimate relationships are in trouble. For many, the relationship between man and woman is valued only in terms of “what’s in it for me?”

When one person in the relationship is not getting all he/she wants, the person just leaves.

The number of marriages has declined by 33% since 1970, while the divorce rate has increased fourfold since 1960. The number of married couples who rate their relationships as “very happy” has declined from 67% in 1973 to 62% in 1996. These alarming figures would be understandable if they included just the unbelievers, but Christians are numbered in these statistics. The church has allowed the world to define the relationship between a man and a woman. The church has been silent on the issue of sexuality, while the world has been shouting from the rooftop. Marriage, relationships and sex cannot be divorced from God. Marriage, relationships and sex cannot be divorced from God. There is a word from the Lord on the whole issue of sex, intimacy and relationships.

Marriage, relationships and sex cannot be divorced from God. Sex and intimacy are more than just a physical act. Paul says, the sex act makes the two, one in a spiritual kind of way. (I Co. 6:15–17). Bill Hybels, in his book, Tender Love, concludes that sexual intimacy is God’s gift to us. He states, “God and sex must go together. When they are separated, chaos reigns, hearts and lives are smashed, and sex, that most intimate of gifts, becomes cold, wild, and menacing.”

This Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to look to see what you can give, not what you can get. I have yet to have an individual come to me and say, “My spouse, my soul mate is too nice to me.” Usually, when they come in, it is because they think they are not getting all that is due them. What would happen

if you attempted to out do your significant other in giving of yourself in the relationship? Maybe, if you worked at making your wife the queen, she would not mind you being the king. How can we restore the fire and the intimacy to our marriage? Can my wife still be my Valentine?

Whatever the reason for your dead or dying marriage, there’s hope for rekindling the flame if you’re ready to give your marriage the work and time it deserves. Following are some ideas that Judy Bodner shares in her book, When Love Dies: How to Save a Hopeless Marriage.

• Leave notes and love letters around. Send these special, concrete communiqués with lunches, tape them to the bathroom mirror, leave them on the kitchen table, or mail them to his place of employment. Tell your spouse what you appreciate about him or her.
• Make getting to know your spouse an important goal. One way to accomplish this is by turning off the television and putting together puzzles, playing games, walking, watching a sunset, reading to each other, going out for breakfast, watching a game, or going shopping.
• Plan getaways. You need to get away with each other, so watch for specials at bed-and-breakfasts or a nice motel, or trade baby-sitting weekends with like-minded friends if money is a concern.
• Share your feelings with each other. Often it’s easier to share facts because they’re non-threatening, and they don’t cause us to swallow our pride. However, when we share our feelings, we share our hearts [and thus] we develop this intimacy.
• Pump up the physical passion. Realize first that God wants us to enjoy the sexual intimacy He created. Thus, the bedroom should be an inviting, clean and orderly place of beauty.

This Valentine’s Day I challenge you to look for a way to say to your spouse or significant other, will you be my Valentine?